MAYBE WE SHOULD FIND THIS DOCTOR.
Q: Doctor, I've
heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart
only good for so many beats, and that itŠ Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear
out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend
life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce
my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness
that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat
ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you
have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages
of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No pain....good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!
Foods are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could
getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting
a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it
get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate
bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good
for your figure, explain whale to me....
Q: Is getting in shape important for my
lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well...I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets.
Life should NOT be a journey
to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved
body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the
other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a
ride!"
AND...
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat
lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.